Postpartum in a Pandemic

I’m finally finding time to sit down and write a post I’ve been wanting to work on since Paloma was born almost four months ago. First of all, I want to make it clear that we feel extremely fortunate that Baby P is healthy, Justin is still able to work and I’m able to be at home with my kids right now when I know many families have been directly impacted by COVID-19. That being said, having a baby during a global pandemic has been interesting to say the least, with so many highs and lows, and I just wanted to share my experience.

I turned to Justin the other night, after a particularly long day with our fussy little love, and asked him if he knew how much adult interaction I have every week. Answer: not much. Most of my days are spent at home taking care of a newborn and trying to entertain a very active 4-year-old, rarely leaving our home or seeing anyone. The hours are filled with pumping, feeding the baby, trying to get her to nap and holding her while she’s fussy, then also keeping an eye on her brother and do my best to avoid letting him sit in front of the TV for six straight hours. Other than the occasional front yard chat with a neighbor or a wave to the Amazon delivery driver (Thank goodness for Amazon, am I right?!!), there isn’t a whole lot of in person interaction happening. (Explains why I spend what some would consider a shocking amount of time on social media and am really so grateful for at least having that connection with people).

I wrote a post on Paloma’s birth story and how the coronavirus effected our hospital stay, but its impact on the start of life with her has been even greater. These first few months have been very different than they would if COVID wasn’t something we had to be concerned about. A time that’s usually filled with family and friends stopping by to hold the baby, bring meals and give sleep deprived parents a break, but can still feel isolating, has been even more so without those visits and has left me wishing we lived closer to family. (But, thank goodness for meal delivery services and good friends who set us up with a meal train!). I go from my heart bursting with love for this sweet baby girl, to feeling so sad about family including my dad not yet getting to meet this newest member and so much uncertainty about the future. It’s been the happiest time of my life, that has also included some of the most difficult days I’ve ever known.

Unfortunately, neither my parents nor Justin’s live in Austin, and we haven’t had a regular sitter since quarantine, so that was our first challenge with this new baby. Since Runner couldn’t be in the hospital with us, we made the difficult decision to have my mom fly from Phoenix to be here for the birth and stay for the first few weeks. We knew that her getting on a plane was a health risk and we appreciate her wanting to be here for us so much. I don’t know what we would have done without her those first couple weeks. Justin’s parents have come to meet the baby, but right now we’re not sure when the rest of our family will really get to spend time with her. Summer trips to be with both our families were canceled and now even the holidays are in question.

Our plan before COVID was to find some part-time help once Paloma was born, so that I could have a little time to get things done, work on the professional goals I had set for this year and pick up Run from school without having to disrupt Baby P’s nap schedule. But, how do you find someone you can trust during a pandemic, especially when they would likely have another job or kids of their own interacting with others? I have three friends whose nannies have tested positive for COVID and in at least one case, it spread to the family she worked for (they are fine, fortunately). Is that a risk I want to take, just so I can have a little help and get some work done? At this point it’s not, but I can definitely say that decision has its impact on my mental health during a time when postpartum hormones are already raging and I’m dealing with a pretty difficult newborn who doesn’t nap much.

Speaking of that… I think that’s what has made this experience that much more difficult, that Baby P isn’t the easiest baby, or anything resembling an easy baby. Girl has struggled with naps since day one, is still only sleeping a few hours at a time at night, has a freakin dairy allergy (read about my love for cheese here) and spends a lot of time crying and fussy throughout the day. She doesn’t like to be in her carseat and screams on every car ride. The last walk I took her on, she cried so much I ended up taking her out and carrying her while I pushed the stroller. So, I definitely would love a helping hand. But again, at what risk and is it worth it?

Because of COVID, we haven’t taken her to many public places yet. In fact, we just ventured out with her for the first time (other than the doctor) a couple weeks ago to pick up food and eat it at a picnic table. I was definitely looking forward to visiting all our favorite family friendly spots in Austin with her. But that, just like visits to see family and baby snuggles from friends, will have to wait. For now, I’m trying to see the positive side to all of this: that I’m able to spend so much time with both my babies when I know I’ll be longing for this quality time one day.